I'm here
(I'm ending this writings posting spree with a more hopeful note, written back in October with several friends and close ones in mind, and that I really thought I had posted here before, but apparently I haven't. It's been particularly hard to reach out recently, but I still mean this with every fiber of my being.)
I am tired and vulnerable
and I know it's hard for you these days
and I cannot really
be here
but I am
near
in some sense
if you want
near
smiling at you
air-headpatting you with support
saying
I'm here
I care
it isn't enough to face life and everything happening around us these days
and I barely have spoons for myself most of the time
but I'm here
I want to be
you matter to me
even if interacting is sometimes a bit weird
or difficult
you matter to me
and I hope better days come for you
and I hope we survive
and I hope we thrive, though that may be too big to hope for these days
and I don't think I can bring you much myself
but I hope you get rest and safety and little joys
and I will do my best
to find the same
to share those when I can
and simply to be around
a ball of orange fur and blue
around
and somehow
in ways I hope you can feel
even when I don't talk
here.